I got an email a few days back from a chap that was obviously hawking something. I usually bin off such stuff unless they are offering me free beer in which case I wholeheartedly express my support and enthusiasm for their endeavour. For the record the chap was hawking the following tat here. It’s only worth looking at for the couple of pretty girls and the menu “getting good head” which made me snigger, at least. I like the puerile end of comedy.
His email got me thinking though, what are the attributes of good beer? My conclusions are as follows
A beer can never be too cheap. Free is the best price but as a preference, a price of buttons is preferable to an arm and a leg. A beer can be too expensive, for sure, but never too cheap.
A beer can never be too cold. Even a beer ice lolly is good. A beer can often be too warm, but never too cold. Ice cold lovely lout slips down a treat and doesn’t touch the sides.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a beer that I thought was too fizzy. I’ve had limp flat pongy beer all too often, but never one I thought was too fizzy. Fizz is the sparkle that tickles the senses.
The greatest beer in the world has to be the cheapest, coldest fizziest beer there is, and it is possible to measure each factor. The price is clear, the temperature easily ascertained and the fizziness apparent from the power of the subsequent belch after the first swig. By this simple test it is possible to work out whether a beer is proper real cooking lager or just overpriced warm flat pongy muck you want to avoid lest you get stung.