An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Lager,I think, maybe

Returning to the theme of revitalising beer bloggery, renowned and accomplished beer writer Pedro Broon has finally submitted his contribution. Better late than never, but I gather he prefers doing shit for people that pay him.Well known for writing books and stuff, all about pubs and beer, which you can read if you want and in truth are no worse than other books about pubs and beer if that interests you, Pedro enlightens us on the subject of lager, I think, maybe.

* The political views expressed are those of Pedro, not Cooking Lager, who is a Tory Bastard on account of having a job and wanting to keep his hard earned for stuff like lager, a new car and the new kitchen the lass wants and not give it to the government to piss away.


Tory Bastard with a beer instead of the usual Hi Viz jacket.


Lager is an often derided drink in the UK but arguably, Sorry I have to stop. Tory bastards. BASTARDS, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards. There I think it’s out of my system. What was I saying? Oh yeh. Lager.

Lager is a pale, crisp and refreshing beer style. Sorry, no. Tory bastards The bastards, The Tory fucking bastards. BASTARDS, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards. Okay. I think I’m okay now. Lager that was it.

What about lager? Well Fosters may be shit but lager’s like well popular in Germany and stuff and isn’t at all bad in that neck of the woods. Argggggggggghhhhhhh. Tory bastards. BASTARDS, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards, bastards. The bastards. The Tory bastards.

That Dave fucking Cameron will probably drink lager with Angela Merkel when he’s stitching us all up like kippers. The bastard. The lager drinking bastard.

Yeh lager. Bastard fucking Tories.


That enough words cookie?

10 comments:

Babette said...

Trite politics is an extension of Pedro Broon's identity and what sort of person he thinks he is. He's not thought deeply about his beliefs because to do so would call into question his own identity, which he is very insecure about.

So rather than have his views and opinions challenged, he just shuts out dissenting voices and abuses those who raise them.

Cooking Lager said...

I like Pedro, this is not an attempt to insult him but to parody the degree he slips his world view into stuff he knocks up about beer.

Pete Broon said...

Actually, on the quiet, I absolutely fucking hate pubs. They're too full of horrible working-class people who go on about what a good bloke that Nigel Farage is and keep nipping out for a fag.

Pubs need to be made safe for the metropolitan élite.

Pete Brown said...

Cookie, that made me laugh.

Babette, you can disagree with my politics, fine, but the thing that pisses me off about cunts like you is this idea that if I am left wing, that can only be because I have not thought things through, or I don't understand them properly.

I grew up in Barnsley in the middle of the miner's strike. Not everyone did, but I did. Personal politics is often a result of your upbringing and background. I saw my community torn apart by the Tories. I saw people demonised by the right wing establishment - the police, the government, the media - simply because they wanted to work. One reason I live in London is that there is nothing left in Barnsley except call centres and drug dealers. Fuck you. You have no idea how deeply I have thought about my political views. You don't know me. You don't know anything about how my views have been formed. You have absolutely no idea how much I do or don't read, think or talk to people about politics.

I have all the time in the world for people who disagree with me politically and are prepared to debate the issues, but absolutely none for patronising cunts who simply assume that I am ill-informed, and I'm afraid you're catching the shit for this because it's the standard response and I'm tired of it.

And fuck you Pete Broon, and everybody who resorts to the lazy language of 'the metropolitan elite'. It doesn't exist. And if it does, it's an elite of Eton-educated Tory twats and corrupt oligarchs, and I'm certainly not part of it.

Cookie, I've been drinking lager for a very long time. You might like my piece in it in the forthcoming issue of Original Gravity magazine. The fact that I was paid to write the piece obviously means I have betrayed my socialist principles, but we live in a funny old world.

Curmudgeon said...

Haha, I have now been blocked by Pete Brown on Twitter. Mind you, I did call him "Cunt of the Year", so it is understandable.

And you don't know me either, you don't know my life experiences or how my political views have been formed. But you do seem to have a remarkable capacity to patronise and dismiss the political views of those who disagree with you.

Just look at the picture of the house with the St George's flag and the white van tweeted by Emily Thornberry. That really sums up Labour's utter contempt for the working class.

Almost 4 million people voted for UKIP in the recent general election, and they tended to get more votes in Labour than in Tory constituencies.

Think on - you arrogant metropolitan socialists have lost the working class.

Cooking Lager said...

Thanks for commenting Pete, don't really want to sit in the middle of this spat, but heh ho.

Glad you laughed at the parody, it was meant without malice. As said, it was a comment on how you slip a bit of your personal politics into your beer writing.

I don't think you a hypocrite, I think you can be a success and a socialist, should that be your choice.

As for your community and the miners strike, I do wonder what you would do if faced with an Arthur Scargill bullying you with violence to go on strike without the courtesy of a strike ballot. I am not adverse to unions. I'd join one if relevant to what I do. Even Tebbit led a strike when he was a pilot. I wouldn't let the likes of Scargill bully me, I hope you wouldn't and I hope you'd acknowledge Scargill did as much to destroy your community as Mrs T.

Anonymous said...

You know the reason I left this country in the first place, divvn't you, eh? I'll tell you. In a word, Margaret bloody Thatcher, that's why. Because I'd had it, I was up to there with what she'd created. Bloody wasteland. Desolate. Nae joy, nae hope, nae nowt. Where kids get to 21 and have never done a day's work in their life. Honest men have to go out thieving to feed their families. Young bairns can buy heroin in the bike sheds at school. Oh, dear. But I thought, "Nah, nah, nah. It's got to be getting better. It cannae be as bad as what it was, can it?" I was willing to give you lot the benefit of the doubt on this one, you know. But no, no, no. What happens? What happens is I've been back on my native soil for fourteen minutes, and I'm subjected to this act of fascist intimidation! 'Cos that's what it is, you know! That's what it is, and I'll be writing to my MP about this

StringersBeer said...

Again Cookie, again!
"Babette"? She seems like a charming and insightful lass. Funny too.

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