An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Friday, 28 January 2011

The Cooking Lager College Lout Club


Elitism in beer is arguably a good thing for the beer industry. Whilst cheap fizzy gorgeous cooking lager may appeal to a wide number of people, cooking lager arguably does not appeal to an important demographic. That being “idiots with more money than sense”. Cooking lager enthusiasm has long failed to capture this exciting potential, so how can we engage this important and lucrative demographic in cooking lager enthusiasm?

Welcome folks to The Cooking Lager College Lout Club. It cost £1000 a week, and being arguably more expensive than other beer clubs not only makes it better, but it makes you more discerning. For this princely sum you can pay eye watering amounts of money to get pissed up, money that you no longer have to use on things like the roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your mouth or nice holidays to nice places. You get to sit at the very pinnacle of elite cooking lager enthusiasm.

But what do you get for this substantial sum of hard earned geld? Well it is in no way like a weird religious cult at all that asks you to give all your money to it and the guru also asks to sleep with your wife. It is only a coincidence that I ask you to give me all your money and in return I pop round each week with a box of cooking lager and also sleep with your wife. The lager could be Foster’s, it could be Carling, it might even be Carlsberg, but it is likely to be whatever I found on sale in Tesco this week. You get tasting notes on the lines of “This is lovely lout, serve cold, neck it and enjoy”. I also throw in a cheap T-Shirt with the logo “The Cooking Lager College Lout Club” on the front and the moniker “for more discerning cooking lager enthusiasts than you are, pal”. Wearing this T Shirt will make you more attractive to members of the opposite sex. Additional T-Shirts can be bought for further payments of eye watering amounts of money. Oh and there’s a membership card too.

Sign up below and please make all cheques payable to “CASH”.

6 comments:

Sid Boggle said...

I am very interested in your article and wish to subscribe to your newsletter...

I am Stan said...

Yo Cookie,

Need a club treasurer, only 100 nicker a week?

I`ll take care of any wives who need a bit extra too if you get my drift...free!..;)

Cooking Lager said...

Being the gent I am, Stan, you go first and let me know whether Mrs Boggle is worth visiting.

Anonymous said...

Have you met some of the wives of CAMRA members?

Barm said...

Cooking lager arguably does appeal to the demographic “idiots with more money than sense” – why else would anyone pay four quid for a pint of Heineken?

Darren said...

will there be international chapters of this organisation Cooky? Melbourne may be in need of something like this innovative new idea