An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Beer Styles


Beer Style, does it matter?

The answer is quite clearly no. Lots of things matter, your missus, your kids, your job, your health. Beer is clearly in the general category of something that does not matter. Not one bit. Not in the slightest. Pretty much everything else in the world matters more than beer. Whilst beer experts may have 133 differing styles of beer, there are only 4 styles actually in existence

Neckable and cheap

Neckable and pricey

Unneckable and cheap

Unneckable and pricey

Now anyone in their right mind would express a preference for the first style, but there are those that for whatever odd reason might express a preference for the second. Whether that is insanity, snobbery, having more money than sense, wishing to "support pubs and brewing" or any other weird point of view you can imagine. It’s a free country, it takes all sorts and all that.

In certain circumstances it is worth training the palate for the third style, when the option of the first is unobtainable. It is possible to learn to like all manner of weird grog if you persist in necking it. You can acquire a taste for all manner of nasty stuff if you are persistent. This explains the existence of CAMRA and all those that like pongy ale. The fourth style arguably exists but it is one of those great mysteries as to why. A mystery on a par with crystal skulls.

So there you have it. Beer styles explained in a concise and informative manner. For more check out Ade, Pete, Fuggie, or Dredge, then ignore it and get down to Sainsbury’s where 2 boxes of grog are £15. All of it neckable and cheap and right up the cooking lager enthusiasts street.

9 comments:

Adrian Tierney-Jones said...

what I would like to know about crystal skulls is if there is a family of styles, you know well polished, not so well polished and pure dulled — it’s sure to spark off plenty of debate about the crystal skulls community.

Velky Al said...

And let's not forget dark crystal skulls!

Sid Boggle said...

I'm afraid your piece lacks authority as you have inexplicably overlooked the inclusion of Powerpoint-generated charts and diagrams to emphasise your point. Nicking Dredgie's mind-map thingie doesn't paper over this omission.

Disappointing...

Cooking Lager said...

I am still preparing my powerpoint presentation, Sid, for when I give a lecture to the Guild. I'm having a bit of bother with the little animations at the moment, but to be sure they add authority to the lecture.

Sid Boggle said...

Do the 'little animations', you know... jiggle about a bit in dirndls? If they do, I might apply to join The Guild...

DJ said...

I wonder what neckable and pricey ale would taste like drank out of a crystal skull.

Cooking Lager said...

Treat yourself DJ

http://www.spikeys.co.uk/shop/drinkware-tankards-skull-tankard-p-5828.html

Skull Tankards, you know you want one.

Sid Boggle said...

Are they made out of real skulls?

DJ said...

Yeh I would look well 'ard drinking out of that!