When my lovely lady squeeze arrived back from work she almost instantly spotted a new addition to the mantelpiece.
“Why do we have a beer mat in a frame on the mantelpiece?” She queried, brow furrowed in apparent disapproval. No query about the delightful mixed seafood salad on a bed of rocket I had lovingly prepared, or bottle of Pinot Grigio I was letting breath. I’d learnt about letting wine breathe recently. Rather than open, pour, neck, if you want to be a bit posh you open, wait 5 minutes, pour, neck. I’m not sure how this makes it posher, but it does. Adds a degree of sophistication to your £3.99 Morrison’s special offer bottle of plonk.
However the beer mat in a frame required explanation. “It is not a beer mat in a frame darling, it is an autograph of the world famous Hardnott Dave, the brewer and artiste formerly known as Woolpack Dave, purveyor of world class pongy ale of distinction to the discerning, written out to my online beer persona.” I offered.
“And that is staying on our mantelpiece is it?” She queried further, apparently still slightly dissatisfied with my full, frank and open explanation.
“It is not every day, darling, such a special object comes into our possession and it would only be fair to show it off. When guests ask, there it is. The one and only Hardnott Dave, the brewer and artiste formerly known as Woolpack Dave. It will impress and delight in equal measure. An object people will covert. I have already rang the insurer and they do not think we need more home insurance, so I’ve put in on display, rather than in the safe.”
“I’m sorry, but who is this Dave guy?” At this point her concern was turning into confusion. I smiled to reassure her.
“Dave is the famous former proprietor of the Woolpack Inn in Cumbria, not Emmerdale Farm. He was famous for refusing to offer ketchup to his paying punters with their full English fry up. Now he is a famous brewer of pongy ale. His autograph is worth a lot of money probably. Not like the ten a penny autographs of Pete Brown and the like, who autographs all his books ensuring the un autographed ones are rarer and of greater value. This is a true rarity of beer memorabilia.”
“Is he some nutcase to do with beer blogging?” She shoots, she scores.
“Well sort off, but no more a nutcase than anyone else” That was it, goal conceded, but not the game
“And you want a beer mat on the mantelpiece in a frame?” This continued in a circle for about half an hour. All the time not quite understanding why one would put a beer mat in a frame and place it proudly upon a mantelpiece. Women eh?
Big thanks to Sid Boggle for the souvenir.