An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Next Weekend.

I made a promise on this blog a while back that I would attend Clarkey’s beer festival. It’s this coming weekend. I’ve been looking for lout on the beer list, and cannot find any? What’s going on?

Now I was going to get a £2.60 off peak train to Stocky, punt up with a few mates, have a few pints of the least pongy stuff, try and spot a tankard or two, beer guts, beards and what not to photograph for the blog, see if there are any tasty lasses to ogle (only window shopping, I'm a good boy), and do a review from the perspective not of a beer geek but a lager lout getting pissed with his mates. I could not give a crap how many beers are on, or from what breweries, only that there is enough drinkable piss water to have a skin full and the band is half decent. I appear in the mood to get hammered with the lads, and am in no more a mood for chick flicks, so this appears as good an excuse as any.

I’ve a free pass (permission off the lady squeeze), though not a free pass to get in, or any free beer. Now I have a few questions for any beer geeks that read this rubbish. What’s the best night to go, and what are the more easy going nicer least pongy beers?

I’m not a beer festival virgin, though not really an enthusiast. I like getting pissed from time to time, and am currently in the mood to do so, so why not try something different? My strategy is to try different ones at random. This occasionally works and occasionally doesn’t. You can end up with a nice enough pint, or a really rank one. I did think “go for the strongest” as that will get me pissed quicker, but I appreciate that as a cooking lager enthusiast beer is about appreciating it, not simply getting smashed. I’m thinking go to the bar and ask the geekiest looking one for a pint of Foster’s. Then asking “all this beer and no Foster’s? What have you got that is as good as Foster’s” If I spot a good tankard, it'll be straight on twitter.

Any tips are welcome.


Tandleman said...

"I’m thinking go to the bar and ask the geekiest looking one for a pint of Foster’s. Then asking “all this beer and no Foster’s?"

You'd be surprised how often that's asked, but of course nobody says you have to be original.

Curmudgeon said...

It's Mudgie's beer festival as well - but of course if you introduce yourself you'll blow your cover ;-)

I'd suggest Thursday evening or Saturday lunchtime are the best sessions to attend - Friday night can get a bit frantic and the range of beers is inevitably reduced on Saturday night.

A big bonus compared with most other beer festivals is that you can take your pint and go and sit out in the stand at Edgeley Park looking out over the pitch.

Cooking Lager said...

I suspect looking at an empty pitch is more exciting than looking at Stockpit County losing a game.

I'll think of some more original questions, Tand. Maybe I'll ask for a pint of Mudgies Old Pongalicious.

The more frantic it is the better.

I might even get pissed up enough to sign up. If I do, I'll be seeking to set up a lout division and would hope as fellow bloggers I'd have your votes.

Rob said...

Naylor's Cravenbrau should quench your thirst for lout.

Sid Boggle said...

Got any mandals? Wear 'em. An old tee shirt two sizes too small, and don't shave. Best to stop now.

Bring your own glass. A Foster's glass would buttress the irony and sort of establish a cultural dissonance. Put some gaffer tape on the side with your name on. In crayon or chinagraph pencil.

Collect as many beermats as you can. They're currency in some circles, you know.

Got any silly hats?

Mark said...

Go whenever your mates can go, that's the key thing, if you miss a couple of beers then no worries, choose something else.

Start on Marble Pint. Try Millstone Tiger Rut or True Grit. Whim Arbor Light is excellent (Whim are a good brewery). Acorn, Saltaire and Phoenix are all worth ticks. All of these brew light and generally pretty hoppy beers.

Beyond these there's some great strong/dark beers on - Elland Porter, Marble Special (very rare!), Fuller's London Porter, Thornbridge St Petersburg, Dark Star Espresso if you like coffee a lot.

That's actually a very good list. A lot of beers that are well worth drinking.

What you need to do at the end is choose the strongest pale beer (Hardcore IPA or Golden Pride) and the strongest cider and make yourself a Super Snakebite.

Tyson said...

Yes, I'm afraid the Fosters bit has been done to death. As has "Have you got any Bitters on?"

Try something along the lines of "Have you got anything that doesn't taste like real ale and that won't give me the shits?"
They'll love that.

I hope you'll be introducing yourself to JC. That will surely be worth a blog post alone.

Ales to Lagers said...

mmmm beer wenches

ChrisM said...

I hope you'll be wearing an 'I love cooking lager' t-shirt and drinking out of the Fosters glass you nicked from the pub!? See you there :-)

On the other hand, you could join in with the fancy dress*.

BigHairyProject said...

Thornbridge or Whim light stuff (colour). Marble Pint is a pleasure.

Ask em which goes best with a pot noodle.

Cooking Lager said...

Quality tips gents. I might even survive.

Curmudgeon said...

So, did you get along on Friday night, or did you chicken out in the end? Take it from me it was frantic.

And the Naylor's Cravenbrau was pretty lagerish, albeit served somewhat above the optimal cooking lager temperature.