An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Emergency Lout

I have come to realise that there are times in life when emergency lout is required. That is a situation arises that requires immediate lout. It can be sat in a cinema watching Sex & the City 2; it can be at a beer festival when you’ve discovered there is little by way of decent honest to goodness cooking lager; it can be anywhere you think “Good God, what is required is immediate lout”. I have been pondering this and so far the following is my solution. A cool box with enough space for 6 ice cold pints of fizzy goodness & a packet of techi ice to keep it cold. I can take lout anywhere and never be without my lovely dirt cheap nectar.

No need to pop into pubs when out and about. A seat on a park bench next to a tramp and a cheap can of ice cold fizzy goodness. Pay £4 for a plastic cup of lout at a music festival? Out with the lout. At a beer festival and there is nowt but pong to neck? Out with the lout. I suspect I shall be the envy of all others as I neck ice cold fizzy goodness with the subtle delicate aroma of lout at 43p a can! If asked what is in the glass say “Mudgies Golden Pongalicious”, it is a fine light ale”. Why suffer the ring piece testing properties of cask ale? On a train? Out with the lout. Driving down the M6 Toll? Lovely can of cheap fizzy lout. I can think of no situation that would not be improved by the immediate accessibility of lovely lout.

At the hospital and just been told you’re about to die? Out with the lout. Stood outside the changing room at topshop? Out with the lout. Sat in a boring meeting at work? Out with the lout. How did I live without this? Is a man bag a bit of a camp thing for a fella to have? Not if it’s full of lout.

8 comments:

Sid Boggle said...

Photographic proof (preferably notarised by a third party) of you wearing a fanny pack, or it never happened... B-)

Dick Puddlecote said...

Baden Powell did always say 'Be prepared'. You're just following in the great scouting tradition, obviously. ;-)

Curmudgeon said...

Well, if you bring it along to the Stockpit Pong & Vinegar Extravaganza you'll be immediately recognised ;-)

Ed said...

I once took a load of cans into a cinema, which greatly improved an otherwise dire film. After the first three cans I did have to keep going out for a piss though.

ZakAvery said...

Cookie, those aren't pints, they are evil metric half-litres. You need to start a Campaign for Real Actual Pints of Handy Accessible Tinnies - or Crap Hats, to give it a more user-friendly name.

Dan said...

Speaking of emergencies, I just read an article about how cheap lout is much worse for the planet than local craft

"Wherever and whatever you drink, a single pint of a quality beer is almost always better for both you and the planet than spending the same money on several tins of bargain-basement brew."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/green-living-blog/2010/jun/04/carbon-footprint-beer

Wondered (with terrible anticipation) what CookingLager's stance on the environmental side of quaffing might be?

Curmudgeon said...

I'm sure I have read, IIRC on Hardknott Dave's blog, that large-scale industrial brewing is actually better for CO2 consumption than small-scale craft brewing, due to efficiencies of scale. But if you're worrying about CO2 emissions when drinking a pint of beer you really should give up...

Dan said...

Au contraire. While I am the sort of person who worries about C02, I find that beer reduces the amount I worry quite considerably.