An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Monday, 24 May 2010

Summer of Lout

I haven’t blogged in a while. That’s because I’ve been drinking lout and not writing about it. The lout is a personal pleasure, and I enjoy sharing my enthusiasm for cheap lout, but sometimes it’s just a personal pleasure. I’ve been enjoying the 2 for £16 offers at Tesco and have been necking Carlsberg Export & Becks. You have to be careful with these offers because it’s been clear for some time the price of lout is increasing. The economy has been buggered by a profligate labour administration, and we are in the age of inflation & austerity. Not to worry though, the sun is shining and the lout is still cheap enough to well and truly pissed up for buttons on a lovely cheap, pure and healthy product whilst sitting in your garden. It’s not all bad. The way the price of lout increases is quite subtle. 24 packs become 20 packs which become 18 packs which become 15 packs. The price per box remains, the amount you get decreases. You have to do the maths to figure out whether the offer is really a bargain. A bizarre offer recently was Sainsbury’s 2 for £18 offer. A week ago it was 2 for £16. On the offer were boxes of the lovely Carlsberg Export. Both boxes of 15 & 18, 275ml bottles on offer. If you’re not careful you’ll pick up the boxes of 15 and miss out on 6 bottles of lovely lout. Keep your eyes on the prize, cooking lager enthusiasts.

A feature of cooking lager enthusiasm is to share it with your fellow man. Always point out the offers to fellow shoppers. Recently I saw a woman buying a 12 can pack of Carling for £9.99. Next to it was a 24 pack on offer at £10. Not everyone does the maths. An “excuse me, that one’s twice the size and 1p” more usually elicits thanks and gratitude with your fellow shopper and rarely a “mind your own business”. Cooking Lager enthusiasm is an approach of sharing the joy with your fellow man and helping your brothers and sisters get there lovely lout as cheap as you do.

Tesco have put a 4 box limit on the lout offerings, which to be honest I’m not too sure about. On the positive side I understand that Supermarkets want the offer to be there for retail customers and want the stock to be there when punters punt up. If they advertise an offer and the stock is gone because money grasping pub landlords cheating on their tied contracts have filled the van up, they are not meeting their customers need. However cooking lager enthusiasts do use these offers to fill the garage up with cheap stock to enjoy over a prolonged period where cheap offers may not be forthcoming.

Also don’t panic about government plans to ban below cost selling. A myth put about by people with beards is that supermarkets give their products away below cost. No business does this to any great degree and when it does it is usually on lines that are not moving out of the door. That stock is shunted out at whatever price it goes for and not replaced.

The reason why the lout is so cheap in supermarkets isn’t because they sell below cost; it is because they accept low margins. They pile it high and sell it cheap. You can accept a low margin on a high turnover and maintain an acceptable overall profit.

A ban on below cost selling will do nothing to hamper cooking lager enthusiasm. So what are you reading this rubbish for? You’ve got a fridge of lovely lout. It’s a sunny day. Sit in your garden and enjoy all that is good about the summer. Cheap lout and ladies not wearing a lot.


Tandleman said...

I agree with you. Well the bit about ladies not wearing a lot at least.

Cooking Lager said...

Tandy, Tandy, Tandy. It's scorcher. Time for a lovely ice cold lout. Pong is for the nights of dark and cold.

Curmudgeon said...

Actually, I think on a hot sunny day there's nothing to beat going in to the dark interior of a proper old-fashioned pub (preferably one with thick stone walls) and having a delicious pint of cask beer drawn from the natural cool of the cellar.

Cooking Lager said...

All the pretty ladies not wearing much are all in the beer garden, Mudge. Mirrored shades to allow unlimited perving, ice cold lout to remain comfortable. You can't say that's better than a dumpy pub, pint of pong and nothing but an old man who smells slightly of wee to look at.

Séan Billings said...

I don't understand why the temperance movement and their political pawns think poor people are the problem. The only people who could possibly be forced to reduce their consumption due to an increase in the price of cheap supermarket booze is someone on a low income. Everyone else just whines a bit in pays the higher price.

Mind you, if beer prices ever rise to the point where that becomes an actual issue, there are plenty of public spirited men willing to buy cheap booze in France and sell it at a modest profit from the back of a white van. Just hope that it actually is vodka in that bottle.

Curmudgeon said...

The general public (if consulted at all) imagine that minimum pricing will only affect cheap cider and Special Brew when – unless it is set at a level so low it will make no appreciable difference – it is their routine take-home consumption that will bear the brunt.

Cooking Lager said...

Minimum pricing is not on the agenda of the ConLib government. Only below cost selling, off which there is hardly any.

Loss Leading must occur, why else would Terry Tesco want it banned? No retailer wants the competition loss leading.

There is a world of difference between low margin and loss leading.

Also a difference between manufacturer and retailer loss leading.

Retail is a simple business. You can audit it and discover the difference between price in and price out.

Can you say a company maximising capacity by selling a portion of its output above the marginal cost but below a cost taking into account fixed cost to be selling at a loss when the per pint cost is dependant on reaching volume?

Us cheap lout enthusiasts have little to fear from a ban on loss leading. In fact it will be nice if the beardies no longer have that argument.

Expect supermarkets to take less risk with new alcohol product (inc craft beer) and ensure sale or return or even a retrospective cost cut on merchandise already in the supply chain to allow them to shift none moving lines.

Cooking Lager said...

More tosh: Terry Tesco has the most efficient supply chain in the country. On the basis of "Competitive Advantage" by Michael Porter (a book, don't ya know), a ban on below cost retail selling gives Terry Tesco the cheapest possible price, and ability to win any price war started.

Whorst said...

Mudge needs to get his leg over. That's what I love about the West Coast. Proper Real Keg served within eyes view of the ocean and bikini clad morsels.

Mark Dredge said...

I'll take Coors Light.

Cooking Lager said...

I suspect Mudge is quite the rascal, Montague. It's always the quiet ones. Those of us that mention our squeezes do so because they are beginning and end of our romantic intrigues. I suspect Mudge has his main squeeze to cook & iron shirts and any number of floozies sharing his worries about the black helicopters enforcing a global new world order smoking ban to oppress freedom. I imagine a man with a harem.