An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Beer for lasses

Despite the alarming trend for guest blogging that is appearing with people not only commenting on each other’s blogs, but writing on each others I’ve decided to join the cause of getting more women to drink a lovely cheap ice cold fizzy can of lout. At least until someone offers to guest blog this tosh and write some rubbish to post here and save me the trouble. Go on you know you want to.

Why get birds into beer? I don’t know. It just feels right. I’ve been wondering how to do it.

I’ve figured out that patronising birds doesn’t get you anywhere with chicks as last time I referred to my bird as “my bird” I got the following response “I have not got feathers, I do not tweet, I do not eat worms, I am not a bird, yours or otherwise, and if you want to have sex again you will not refer to me as your bird” So I haven’t. At least not in front of her.

I did sit down and design a beer for lasses. I sat down with the Lady Squeeze (not bird) and asked her what she was looking for in a beer. I got the answer “Something that looks like, tastes like and smells like a glass of Chardonnay. In fact I’d like a glass of Chardonnay. You can keep your lout, and when you go get yourself one you can pour me a glass. Emmerdale is about to start so no more dumb questions until the adverts.”

I pondered how to create a beer that had all the qualities of a glass of chardonnay. Kind of like creating a patronising clear beer that banged on about its calorie content, on the assumption that lasses are incapable of enjoying the range of flavours present in a lovely can of lout so instead I designed chardonnay beer. I did away with the malt and hops and instead wrote down “must use grapes instead of malt and hops”

After a bit of googling to see whether anyone else had invented this lady beer I discovered I’d only gone and accidently invented wine. Bugger. Back to the drawing board.

Then it dawned on me. What do girls like? Fluffy animals? Recipes? Gerard Butler? Light Beer? Clear Beer? Patronising beer? What lasses like I reckon is knitting. What to do to get lasses interested in beer? This lady has figured it out here. That’s how you get chicks into beer.


BeerReviewsAndy said...

how about a guest post about vimto?

I wonder if getting more people in general to drink beer (not just girls) is down to changing ther perception of beer and not the actual beer.

as a whole the industry isn't very good at shouting about the good things and making it appealing to a wider audience.

and on the subject of girls and beer - when i was looking for images with girls drinking beer on google it threw up some very interesting pictures indeed, im sure you will have seen them too!

BeerReviewsAndy said...

ps when i asked our lass about making beer and blogs more appealing she said put hunky fellas on them.

she seems to have a keen intrest in Stuart from Sharp's after seeing MR Avery's post with a pic of him in his rowing gear ;o)

Cooking Lager said...

You can be a guest blogger on this rubbish if you like. Doesn't have to be about lovely lout. Email me a post about vimto. Guest blogging is all the rage, and this tosh has to follow the fashion.

I was thinking about making one up. I pick on Avery too much. Maybe Kristy or Melissa's guide to beers to drink after you've done some ironing. Dunno yet.

Velky Al said...

I might just have to send you a post about American Lout!!

MicMac said...

A chardonnay type beer you say? - Some chap oop North has got there first :~)

Chardonnayle from Bob's Brewing, Osset.
(who says the beer is now brewed by Ossett Brewing, I'm not so sure).
(prototype pumpclip)