This weekend I decided to become a lout ticker, and the following is the start of my list. Beer tickers are the train spotters of beer appreciation and this weekend I decided to keep a list and tasting notes on the finest pints of lout known to humanity so as to join the band of brothers.
In part I have been inspired by the following load of nonsense I discovered and thought to myself, I’ll give that a go. Now I could make the effort of seeing this film before having a go at it but wasting hours of my life watching this load of old toss appears about as appealing as self circumcision. Probably more fun than reading a book about beer but only due to the fact that it ends sooner. So no I’ve not watched it and don’t intend to. But why bother? I doubt through watching it I’ll learn something new, so my time is better spent on more productive endeavour. If you want a review why not read this.
The rules of lout ticking are that you have to keep a list of the entire lout you’ve drank alongside tasting notes. Unlike beer ticking, lout ticking is not about having the longest list but having the most eloquent and succinct beer descriptions. The uniformity of mine gives it a resonance and reason beyond the literal interpretation of the words and elevates it to a higher art. That makes my list nicer than most shabby notebooks. The rules of lout ticking are based on beer ticking, but altogether nicer, ensuring you do not have to be weirdo to take part.
Also unlike beer ticking, lout tickers are allowed to have normal lives. We are allowed to dress nice, shave and wash regularly and have a girl friend and a sex life. This alone ought to make lout ticking a more attractive subset of the beer ticking fraternity. There is also a nice social side to it. Lout ticking can be a new and interesting way to make new friends. Now I’m not overly inclined to make new friends, but when a midget in a clown costume speaks to you to ask “what in crying out loud are you up to” I’m polite enough to give him the time of day. It’s not every day a bona fide midget in a clown costume (children’s entertainer, it turned out, having a pint before a gig) strikes a conversation up with you. Upon explaining the game of lout ticking he proffered the view that it was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard of but did himself admit to being a lout enthusiast and steering clear of pongy ale. There are brothers in lout everywhere in the world.
The important thing about lout ticking is that any lout is allowed to be on the list, so long as it is lout. NO none lout can be ticked. The beer has to be a pasteurised lager beer from a bottle, keg or can served under extraneous C02.