An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

An open letter to Frank Dobson MP regarding his comments on drinkers

Dear Frank Dobson

I could not be arsed listening to you speak on Decision Time, Radio 4, broadcast on 27th January, as it’s not really my cup of tea but I gathered second hand what you were droning on about in your typical tedious retarded manner.

You’ve just claimed – and I might even be quoting your words exactly here, you never know, – that "heavy drinkers cause a vast amount of disorder, get involved in sexual assaults, get involved in accidents and are a major nuisance with loutish behaviour."

As a heavy binge drinker myself, I find your comments astonishingly offensive. You are saying like it's a bad thing? It is my free right as an Englishman to get as pissed up as a like, fight with whom I like and piss and vomit wherever I so choose. People fought wars to give me this freedom god dammit.

I do this because I enjoy it and would do it regardless of whether I was pissed up or not. You are wilfully confusing correlation with causation.

On behalf of myself and the vast majority of drinkers who consume a legal drug that enhances my existing anti social nature, I demand an apology from you for this appalling slur on our characters, and suggest you check the facts before you open your mouth on this topic again.

As a beer writer, albeit a half arsed parody of one, I’ll be copying this email in various channels and urging my pitifully few, apathetic, disrespectable readers to make their feelings known to you in a similar fashion.

Go piss up a rope fuckstick.

Cooking Lager

Write to Frank at -
Frank Dobson MP
House of Commons
London SW1A 0AA

Ring Frank on -
020 7219 4452 or 020 7219 5840

Fax Frank on -
020 7219 6956

Email Frank on

Inspired by Pete Brown


Anonymous said...

love it, superb!

Whorst said...

I just called him and mentioned it's track time!

Pete Brown said...

Thank you sir.

Half arsed parody is the highest form of something or other.

Cooking Lager said...

It is important Pete, for all us beer bloggers to stand behind you and support your endeavour. We will not stand for this type of crap from shitehawk thieving politicians!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps this neo-puritanism on the part of our politicians is a riposte to the (drinking) public for spoiling their favourite hobby (claiming expenses).

Eddie86 said...

I wish I'd made more of an effort now...

Tyson said...

"urging my pitifully few, apathetic, disrespectable readers"

No need for false modesty, old boy. Zyphophile has got you ranked at number 7 in the beer blogging world. Another year and even Pete Brown will be calling you "Sir"!

Cooking Lager said...

Crikey, Tyson. I think a letter is in order to the likes of Inbred and others brewers of the lout scrounging free beer to review/neck for my much read, highly respected and influential pile of toss!