An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Oh what have I become?

Oh what have I become? How can I look at myself in the mirror? Whilst all is not lost, there is no denying it I have become a beer geek. I may not be a ticker but how do you explain a habit of photographing the pint you are necking? Then putting it on the internet for other people to look at? Then going and looking at the pictures of the beers that other beer geeks have been necking? Then making a lager lout related comment? It’s beer geekery by any other name. I always thought I was normal. I’m not too tall or short, fat or thin. Neither thick nor clever. My habits and interests are all legal and socially acceptable. Normal, average bloke.

It was when I was photographing this lovely glass of lout that it dawned on me. I am a beer geek. I am everything I mock. I have become what I sought to laugh at. Maybe in the serenity prayer of sizzled alcoholics I can find comfort?

God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed, Courage
to change the things which should be changed,
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other

For I don’t think I have the strength of character to quit. I tried not to. I tried to put the camera down. I just couldn’t. I had to take a photo of it. It was like a compulsion. In a less scientific and more superstitious age I would think I was possessed by a beer geekery demon.

Upon swigging said lout I was looking to identify taste notes I could blog about. Hints of marzipan? Thankfully I was necking COBRA lout. There are no taste notes. A 5% adjunct riddled lout that is marketed as an accompaniment for a curry. Maize and rice grace this golden nectar. A wonderful piss take of beer provenance as it claims to be an Indian beer yet is was designed for the UK curry eating customer before it was ever marketed in India. The beer was designed in Blighty by an Indian chap for English punters then hawked in his country of origin. All here.

Despite all that it is delicious. Less fizzy than most lout and a really nice glass of lagery pleasure. Nice pint pot to swig it out of too.

Can lout be my saviour from beer geekery? Is the lout the only thing stopping me buying a note book to keep my beery thoughts in? Who is to say?


The Beer Nut said...

Well, at least you're not using a light box, or setting up arty close-ups of the corner of the label or something. Your beer porn is up-front and shows everything, just like mine.

I love Cobra. For a brief glorious period it was available here in half-litre cans for bugger all. Not being a motoring sort, I came close to dislocating my shoulders by hoofing trays of it home from the supermarket.

Cooking Lager said...

You're giving me ideas, Beer Nut, for a beer can studio.

Mark said...

Brilliant! Embrace the geekery! And that's perhaps the best description of Cobra I've read.

Barry M said...

"Whilst all is not lost, there is no denying it I have become a beer geek".

I'd call you a Lout Geek. An altogether better class of beer geek :)

Now you need to visit Germany and get the international angle on lout. There's lots to choose from, and I can make recommendations! :D

The Beer Nut said...

Tell 'im how much it costs, Barry.

Barry M said...

Proper lout (as I understand the term :)) you can get for about 10 Euro for a crate of 20 500ml bottles (20 litres, mmm). High class (as in major brand) lout might go for as high as 14 Euro for the same volume.

And of course you can pop into a petrol station, or anywhere, and grab some on the go. Gotta love the German attitude to beer (in terms of easy access and bulk selling anyway).

So, you could be trying Brinkhoff's No. 1, Veltins, or the 6% Astra Rotlicht (rot being the operative word). Pretty much 90% of the stuff here falls into the lager category and is in no way stinky, and lots of it is classy stuff!

Barry M said...

Gah, I meant 10 litres for 10-14 Euro, not 20 litres... Stupid brain.

The Beer Nut said...

Bottles? Surely you can get cans cheaper than 45p a throw?

Barry M said...

You can get some bottles at cheaper than 45c! Bottles seem more popular here (easier to recycle as they are all returnable I guess), and even the non-discerning tramps will be seen at the back of the station with bottles of Hansa Pils.

I'll have to check on can prices.

Cooking Lager said...

I was assured by a stern German work lady pal of the squeeze that the Oetinger Pils I occasionaly neck from Aldi, is and I quote "only drunk by tramps in Germany"

It made me proud. This could turn into a Pete Brown esq book. "Tramp grog of the world". A trip round the world necking what tramps neck.

The Beer Nut said...

They mostly drink cider over here. Does sir do cider?

Might be best to leave Russia to the end. That way you'll still have your eyesight for everywhere else.

Barry M said...

Hell yeah! Actually, Oettinger is also consumed by non-tramps (my neighbour for one). It's definitely cheap. Their schwarzbier isn't bad at all, but I'm shamed to say I haven't tried their other ones. I'll have to sort that out.

I think Hansa Pils takes the biscuit for cheapness (45c for a half-litre bottle), but it's shite.

I'll have to see what the tramps are drinking around here now.

Whorst said...

Don't sell out to these twats. From lout to the shed, overnight. It's coming I'm afraid.

Kristy said...

Cobra does actually have tasting notes but I wont bore you with them because I'm more than happy to take delicious!!

It is a perfect match for curry - we've even got some recipes you can try right here

Cooking Lager said...

I've got a better recipe. Walk down to the golden tandori and ask for a lamb madras, pilau and peshwari nann. Shovel down whilst necking ice cold lout and watching fast & furious on DVD. Spray Glade about before the lady returns from her mothers. You can have that one for the corporate site, no charge.

Cooking Lager said...

Although that Indian lass on the site, is worth the admission price. She's the tasty lass off the bbc show. Nice work.

Kristy said...

We try our best - and feedback like that makes it all worth it!

Slumdog Millionaire's on telly tonight - perfect excuse for a lamb madras and a Cobra!! (although maybe on channel 4+1 so it doesn't clash with the Football and a Carling)

Peshwari Naan's are the only Naan worth bothering with in my book

The Beer Nut said...

Too sweet. Keema FTW!

Pigman said...

Cookie - be careful. Your getting close enough to deserving a track.

Cooking Lager said...

I'd be honoured with a track.

Pete Brown said...

'I have become a beer geek... I always thought I was normal."

Cookie, I used to think the same. I started writing my first book with the intention of winding up the lovers of pongy ale and ended up liking it. I thought, fine, I'll be the 'normal' beer writer, not the geeky, bearded one.

Christ, just look at me now.

Let my folly be a warning to all others who think you can just stand on the sidelines and mock the geek. They'll get you. And by the time you realise they're about to get you, it'll be too late - you've already been got.

Whorst said...

Sounds like Brown's up for a track as well.