An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Friday, 29 January 2010

Lovely Lout

It’s never too early to become a cooking lager enthusiast. All the best offers on cheap grog may have passed at Xmas time, and whilst long term cooking lager aficionados will have stocked up, there are still top bargains out there. Co op have 10 cans of Beck’s Vier for £6 and 15 bottles of Coors Light for £8. Not as cheap as you can expect when the bigger supermarkets start promoting, but a reasonably decent introduction to cooking lager enthusiasm. After all, who can complain about an evening of necking delicious cooking lager for only £6?

Earlier in the week I got dragged into a pub to watch the footie and 4 pints of Beck’s Vier set me back a tenner. A tenner for 4 pints? Good gods, what’s the world come to? No wonder pubs are going to the wall if they think a viable business is stinging me ten quid for 4 pints.

Beck’s Vier seems to have become the grog of choice among the select group of losers I call my mates. The one pongy ale drinker was on it, the Carling drinker was on it and the Stella drinker surprisingly opted for 4% piss. Nice lout it is too. I expect this lout to have risen up the cooking lager rankings when next they come out. Advertising what is in the grog is, I think, a wise move other cooking lager brewers could do worse than follow. The pongy ale drinkers cannot call it chemical piss when it clearly is as pure as Ann Widdecomes dildo cabinet.

As the weekend approaches you might expect me to be all excited about the weekends cooking lager plans but the lady squeeze has but the kybosh on my desire to get pissed up and attempt to rattle her. Off to a do and muggings here is driving. Bummer really. You cannot misbehave if you don’t drink. When you drink you can and blame it on the grog during the following day’s apologies. I was looking at Tandy’s beer magazine and planning a trip out to Rochdale’s Spoons to name that February’s pub of the month but that will have to wait. The squeeze doesn’t understand the importance of cooking lager campaigning, nor the right of every free Englishman to buy cheap lout. That’s women for you Still if I behave myself like the good boy I am I expect I will get my reward.


Paul Garrard said...

The great thing about being middle-aged is you can misbehave whether or not you have a drink!

Despite my real ale credentials I have a soft spot for VB on a hot day.

"Ann Widdecomes dildo cabinet" - not even sure I could contemplate that!

Cooking Lager said...

It's the sulphur dioxide rather than carbon dioxide that gives VB its special place in the world of lout.

Steve said...

I think you'll find it's possibly the methane.

Cooking Lager: I'd defend your love of cheapo liquid mediocrity and your right to promote that penchant up to the hilt. However, don't expect me to swallow any of the stuff, or indeed swallow the 'fact' that you really do prefer that dross to quality beer. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I reckon you're the Alan Partridge of the beerblog world - a cleverly-crafted, cringe-making corny pastiche.

Love your work. Vier out of five :)

Cooking Lager said...

It amuses me Steve, and that's what's important.