One of the most heart-warming features of the beer blogosphere of recent days has been the emergence of arguably the better halves of bloggers. Here and here. Not to be left out I asked the lady squeeze whether she would pen something under the name Mrs Cooking Lager. Now that was a mistake. “Mrs Cooking Lager?” she responded, “Is that a proposal of marriage?”
“More a proposal that you tell the world what is it like to be shacked up with a cooking lager aficionado and all round love monster. The highs, the even greater highs, all that”
“So you don’t want to marry me?”
“Umm, well I do, you know I do, but what’s the rush, treacle, you’re not knocked up are you?”
Potential ring on finger crisis averted, she looked sceptical and said she would rather have teeth pulled than and I quote “talk to nutters, sexual perverts and social inadequates on the internet”. When I explained that the world of beer blogging has relatively few sexual perverts, only harmless nutters and nice people who you could never describe as social inadequates her only reply was “you mean apart from you”
So that’s that. No Mrs Cooking Lager explaining why it’s the best thing ever to be stepping out with a cooking lager enthusiast. You’ll just have to take my word for it that it’s pretty much as good as it gets, if you’re a lady, to have a chap that knows his way around the cheap lout aisle of all the local supermarkets.
Talking of cheap lout, this weekend I actually drank some bona fide chemical piss. An unfair, inaccurate and snobbish criticism often made of cheap lout is that it is chemical piss. It isn’t. It’s just mass produced bland grog of perfectly natural ingredients. The world of cider however is different. Cider is by and large undrinkable without chemicals, as anyone who has drunk real cider will attest to. Real cider, unlike real ale which by and large I don’ mind and sometimes like, is absolute nasty and foul bog water.
Thank god for chemicals that makes it drinkable. I was necking strongbow, a 5.3% cider made with bitter sweet apples and containing sugars and sweeteners to make it drinkable and remove the gag reflex that drinking the real stuff will give you. The main chemical in this grog is saccharine, a sweetener, and the grog is all the better for it. A couple of cans of this fizz and I’m nicely mellow. At 40p a can a nice way of relaxing.
Even if drinking cider has too many connotations of tramps and under aged drinking. Cider remains for me the drink of tramps and kids with asbos. It’s post Magners reinvention as an expensive and exclusive trendy drink has been lost on me by and large because I don’t really do either trendy or expensive.
But as far as cheap piss goes, Strongbow has a lot going for it. Difficult to drink a lot of, with a nice appley belch if you swig it too quickly, it gets the thumbs up as a cooking cider not for tramps, though possibly for asbos.