An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Monday, 17 August 2009

Beer and food matching


Beer and food matching is a curious mix. No two people’s palates are the same. However there exists a universal food loved by all. That food is known as chips. Chips are great. Not just because they are cheap. They are great anyway. The best chips? Chip shop chips. The humble chippy does the finest chips known to man. Not French fries, not oven chips, not god forbid gastro pub chips that are stacked like a game of jenga. Chip shop chips. Anything else is a poor substitute.

What to have with chips? Well I opted for the steak and kidney pie and gravy. Chip shop gravy is a strange thing. Gravy is the juices of cooked meats, seasoned and reduced and often containing a dash of wine or chopped shallots to add flavour. Chip shop gravy is more of an odd warm brown thick liquid with a vaguely meat flavour despite its ingredients being a slight mystery save for the knowledge that it is not the product of cooked meats, more the product of corn flour, salt, caramel and chemicals. It is also delicious.

So what beer to match with this feast? The wonderful secret about cooking lager is that all cooking lager goes with everything. However I choose Foster’s. I choose Fosters because I have a fridge load of it and Foster’s is fizzy cooking lager heaven. See here. A lightly hopped amber beer that is high on satisfaction and low on challenge.

A feast of angels. A hearty delight, filling and at £2.30, a bargain. Why no mushy peas? The chippy near me does not do proper mushy peas, they do bullet peas in green water, so I give there peas a miss. Otherwise proper mushy peas would be a fine addition to add colour to this dish of kings.

Halfway through my feast I ponder that I have hit upon one of the best gastronomic combinations known to humanity. Cooking lager and chips. To taste it is to fall in love; such is the intrinsic romance of chips.

Chips are the dish you sat on a park bench and shared with your first girlfriend as you gazed into each other eyes, the sizzling of the vinegar on the hot chips being drowned by the sizzling of your heart, as you realized that after the chips you would in all likelihood cop a feel of lady boobs. You’d cast aside the chips now, but your gentlemanly concern must allow the lady of your teenage desires to finish. Ah chips. So many memories, so many times chips have brought a salty and vinegary delight to my life. Chips are life and life is indeed chips. A swig of the lager and a smile comes to my lips. Life without chips is not a life.

Cooking lager and chips and a feel of lady boobs. It’s all a man really needs.

8 comments:

Wurst/Whorst- Brewing Arts Instructor, CEO APRK said...

Very eloquently put. Beer, chips, sex, are among the few, simple, human pleasures, yet people try to complicate them. You should have put that can of Fosters into an over-sized wine glass. You could have pretended you were drinking champagne and caviar.

Cooking Lager said...

Are, but sometimes swigging from the can is the best way to drink the lout. The metalic can complementing the kidney in the pie. Its gastronomic science, pal. I don't just knock this shit up. I think about it, then knock it up.

Wurst/Whorst- Brewing Arts Instructor, CEO APRK said...

It's good to see the word "science" being used. I find that much too often this word is dismissed amongst blogger scum. My friend Herr 'man(not be confused with Herman)is now on about thick rimmed stemware and its effect on beer. Could be a wind up, but he's not generally known for that sort of thing. Lets see if he can present some science to back up his claims.

Tandleman said...

Just preference. Not science. YMMV.

Velky Al said...

I am yet to be fully convinced by the glassware thing, and has a mind that laser etching the bottom of your glass is cheating in the head retention department. Not sure I would be joining you in the Foster's with my black pudding supper (and not the lard laden thing you southern folk call black pudding) - but a widgeted can of Caffrey's will do the trick.

Woolpack Dave said...

You should try complicated sex Wurst, it's great fun.

Wurst/Whorst- Brewing Arts Instructor, CEO APRK said...

I like complicated sex, but Pauline doesn't like what the cheese grater does to her backside.

I'm mixing the track "Over-sized Wine Glass" now. It's my tribute to Avery. The lyrics are below. It should be available tomorrow for your listening pleasure. While listening, TTBC.

Never had a problem with extraneous gas
Found out my problem is with over-sized wine glass
Pompous fluff he's one of a kind
Yusuf Mohammed
I'm losing my mind

Never had a problem with his beard
until I found the similarity with Cat Stevens Weird
I've communicated with him before
Yosuf Mohammed
Over-sized wine glass whore.

Yusuf,
What's the hell's the story with that glass
Do you think it elevates you to a different class
If you fear my reaction to Carlton Cold it's just because
it is also shit toooooo.

Never had a problem with extraneous gas
Found out my problem is with over-sized wine glass
Pompous fluff but he's one of a kind
Yusuf Mohammed
I'm losing my mind

Please take care
Maybe it's time for you to buy a spare?
You'd be doing a service to blogger scum everywhere.
You could've played Oliver reeds role in Gladiator yeah!

(La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La La)
(La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La La)

Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...


Never had a problem with extraneous gas
Found out my problem is with over-sized wine glass
Pompous fluff he's one of a kind
Yusuf Mohammed
I'm losing my mind

Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...
Ooh, oh...

Adrian Tierney-Jones said...

I worked in a chip shop for four summers and we had Cyril Smith (a big-boned MP for some northern place) come in once and he ordered two cod and two chips and scoffed the lot. Matched it with a big pot of tea.