An artisanally crafted blog curated by Cooking Lager for discerning readers of beer bloggery

Friday, 31 July 2009


On my hols. Flying out tonight.

What I will be doing:

Wearing union jack shorts
Sitting on a sun lounger
Ogling topless lasses and mentally rating the tits from 1-10 in my own head, and calculating daily averages.
Eating egg and chips
Necking a few San Miguel’s to cool down
Drinking in a karaoke bar
Eating seafood, drinking cheap plonk and playing on the lady squeezes tits.

What I won’t be doing:

Walking round a fascinating historical city and admiring its history and architecture
Speaking anything other than English
Buying tat made of wood from a market stall
Drinking interesting and complex beers with a myriad of flavours, depths and after taste
Writing anything in a notebook about such tosh, and then putting it on this blog.

A week of sun, sand, sea and sex beckons. The only downside is that lady squeeze might “make friends” with another couple and thus lumber us with unnecessary company, but I’ve got the union jack shorts, the soccer shirt and I’m shaving my head at lunchtime so I’ll look too unappealing to make friends with, and from then on in its sunshine and shagging!

Oh this year I’m off to Sunny Spain Y Viva Espana
I'm taking the Costa Brava 'plane Y Viva Espana
If you'd like to chat a matador, in some cool cabana
And meet senoritas by the score, Espana por favor
When I get back there will be treats galore, I've a few boxes of prime cooking lager in the garage just waiting for my expert palate to review.


Woolpack Dave said...

Have a good holiday. Don't get pissed, fall asleep on the beach and wake up sunburnt. Sunburn makes shagging less comfortable. Puts you off your stroke, so to speak.

Is using the word "shagging" offensive? mmmmm.. nah, it's old fashioned, surely?

Wurst/Whorst- Brewing Arts Instructor, CEO APRK said...

Have a great trip! Take total, blessed, care!

Velky Al said...

"the soccer shirt"? trying to reachout to a wider audience is it? Best not to mention then that the word was coined by a captain of the English national football team eh?